lumberlady | Noctium

[It's not fair when people are taken from their good lives. And yet, Rey can't deny how she feels grateful that Konoha is here. How the simplest remedies she provides to a problem are sometimes the right ones. Guilt cinches in her ribs just for having such gratitude in her heart, knowing that Konoha had a whole good and fulfilling life, and she was taken away from all that. And if she's rooming with Chiron, it probably means that Gonta is back there rather than here as well. She came alone, like Rey did.]

Ah. Wish I could see it.

[Her tone is lighter when she says this, trying hard not to bring herself down for both their sakes.

[Though when she senses a dampness against her chest, Rey glances down at Konoha's kimono and just. Stares. Leans back. Stares more. Swear she's not meaning to gawk at your tits, Konoha.]

Shit. Are you okay? [Doesn't look like blood, thankfully. It wasn't like that before, was it?]

... Me, too.

[If people were going to be taken to other worlds, travel to them... Why couldn't it be like that? Why couldn't it be something as simple and good as visiting a friend? But no, they aren't that lucky...

And neither are her clothes. Rey's reaction brings her own gaze downwards in confusion, but once she spots it... Oh. That would explain things.]

Wh- No, I'm fine, I'm sorry, did I get any on you... ? I shouldn't have hugged you so tight...

[She pulls back from their embrace to try and check, but thankfully it seems there's just a little bit of contact stain on Rey's shirt, not too much. She's not embarrassed, per se, it was natural as anything, but she still finds herself a bit ruddy cheeked as she uses one arm to hide the stations by gingerly cupping her breasts, swollen and tender without a baby to relieve her of the milk now staining her kimono. That kimono has seen plenty worse in the past three months, but. Still.]

Komatsu is still breastfeeding, so...

[Even though her personal preference and desires had hardly been a secret... it does feel vaguely weird to tell that to a woman you've moonlaced with more than once. So much so that she doesn't quite realize that what she said was horriby lacking as either an announcement or an explanation. This is what happens when you accidentally get used to living in a very small herd where everyone knows everyone's business already.]

[And Rey is rarely ever that lucky.

[What Konoha says next takes a moment to sink in, before Rey starts trying to put the puzzle pieces together. Which is going about as well as you'd expect from a war machine that's never touched a real baby before.

[It's nothing to worry about though, right? Konoha doesn't seem to be acting like it's an issue beyond mere embarrassment. Though seeing her hold her own breasts and the strange staining there, Rey feels her own cheeks heat up a bit. Fortunately not in the way that causes fire this time.]

O-oh. [She just says at first as though she gets it. Except nah.] Not... really sure what that means...

[Rey has memories of battlefields and military bases, but things like raising children and taking care of them wasn't part of the skill sets she had been wired to ever just know. Why would she? It's not like she's ever know what to even do with a family of her own.]

[Konoha might have managed to save this and make a proper announcement of her recent motherhood, but instead... she just stares at Rey in total shock, still gingerly supporting (well, more like hiding) her breasts.]

Do... Rey, do you not know... how babies eat?

[Look, she hardly pegged the other woman for a birthing expert or anything, but... not understanding breastfeeding? Was this some weird future world thing? Did future world women not feed their own babies? Wasn't Rey part metal person? Didn't metal people have all sorts of weird knowledge?

She is so confused.]

[Rey is also confused. It's not as though she ever got any formal sex ed in any of her previous lives and she hardly spent her time around pregnant women.]

...

I don't know jack shit about how babies work.

[Is that what that is? A baby thing? What the fuck.]

Babies... drink milk...

[She had never... explained anything about pregnancy to someone over the age of ten? How did this happen? Who let Rey get to be over a hundred and her not know this? Did she have to explain how women got pregnant, too? Her confusion is going a mile a minute, but her body is just frozen.]

From... their... mothers... ?

[It feels like she's just waiting for Rey to tell her she was joking.]

[The way Konoha says it just makes Rey think it should be obvious, which makes her face go redder. Fortunately she isn't so hopeless that she doesn't understand where babies come from, but the whole caretaking process is something well beyond her expertise.]

That's what that is?

[Rey's voice gets somewhat higher than usual, incredulous.]

But. Your baby isn't here, right? Why're you still...

[She gesticulates vaguely at Konoha, hoping she doesn't have to finish that sentence when it comes to this.]

Yes?

[Konoha finds that her voice has gotten higher automatically in response, blinking rapidly as she finally moves just a little... to more protectively cup her apparently mysterious breasts.]

It doesn't just... turn on when you need to feed them and then turn off... ?

[But as hilariously comical as this situation was... it's a reminder that she'd been ripped away from the most precious thing in her life with absolutely no way under her own knowledge of power to fix it and get back to her family, and the scandalized confusion is threatening to give way to the despair of remembering that loss.]

[Normally Rey wouldn't stop and consider how her words might affect someone else. But Konoha is one of the few people she thinks of as a friend enough to not want to hurt. Rey bites back on her usual inclination to press buttons, knowing just how important having a family meant to Konoha before.]

Sorry. Don't know much about this stuff. At all.

[She pauses, anxiously rubbing the side of her neck when she realizes just how little knowledge she has on the subject.]

So... what do you do instead? It doesn't hurt or anything, does it? [She isn't sure why she thinks it might, other than imagining the general discomfort of randomly leaking sometimes.]

[It’s a bit belated in her whiplash of confusion, but Konoha does end up shaking her head in dismissal of the apology. If she didn’t know, she didn’t know...

She just. Had really not expected anyone to not know.

She tries to focus on the question instead of the loss, shifting her weight awkwardly from one hoof to the other.]

It... mmm, yeah, it kind of hurts a little now... not too bad, they’re just... too full.

[Her breasts were swollen with milk being produced for a child she’d been ripped away from, and the ache was something she’d been growing accustomed to- though it was nothing compared to the mental ache that came of even still instinctively thinking it was the time of day for a feeding until her mind caught up.]

But it’s... If we’re stuck here long enough, it should... it should stop.

[She hates to even say it aloud.]

[At least Rey knows enough about how babies get made that she's not asking about that as well. She just wouldn't know the first thing about the child-caring process, however. Don't ever leave her alone with an infant, ever.

[Rey blinks at Konoha's explanation.]

Too full...?

[Okay, not in the way Konoha had described fullness before. But milk. That's... normal, too. The logistics make sense but the actual details elude Rey, who now covers her flushed face with a hand. Because what Konoha says next is heavy and she should be supportive, not pestering her with questions that might trigger feelings of longing and homesickness.]

Ah, I hope you get to see them again soon. I... I know you're a great mother.

[She might not have seen it for herself, but a mother's fondness is probably about the only thing Rey knows she's ever felt, even for a little while. She couldn't ever wish a child of a woman as kind and full of love as Konoha to be deprived of that.]

With... milk...

[She has to say it, just to be super clear, after seeing the look on Rey’s face. Full of milk! As... evidenced by her clothing. Which... she finally starts trying to do something about, glancing around to see if passerbys were being particularly nosy or not before going into her harness pouches for a handkerchief, wincing a bit as she parts the collar of her kimono just enough to slip a hand inside and start carefully wiping.

But the next comment... brings her gaze down. As relieved as she was to be trapped with people she knew rather than without, as glad as she was that Rey remembered her... ]

She’s so perfect...

[She was a good mother. And she was one who would give almost anything to be at home cradling that infant in her arms rather than be here, her eyes growing bright again with the threat of tears.]

If we met again, I wanted to show you...

[It's okay, Konoha. Rey will keep watch from any creeping assholes. Lucky for them, this isn't a heavily trafficked area that they have to worry about it too much.

[Seeing Konoha crestfallen, Rey just frowns. What is someone supposed to say to something like that? Shit. Is this something she even wants to talk about, or is Rey just opening up wounds?

[After a moment, she heaves a sharp sigh. Another hug might be awkward right now, while Konoha is cleaning herself up, but the least Rey can do is offer a shoulder.]

My mother was a good person, too. You would've liked her.

[Instead of ripping up Konoha's fresh wounds, Rey might as well provide her own old ones. It's not like she talks about her life before very much, least of all the few good things that came from it.

[Undine... was always one of those few good things, despite how much it all turned to shit in the end.]

[It’s how little Konoha knows about Rey’s past, particularly the positive aspects, that makes that a very effective distraction from her own pain. Belatedly she might realize that it could be painful to another instead, but in the moment-]

Yeah... ?

[Konoha had just never heard her mention a mother before, and it’s curious enough to bring her gaze up as she tries to mop up the mess she’s made of her clothes.]

[They're painful memories, sure. But Rey is willing to take on that pain if it helps Konoha not think too much about what she has lost for a little while.

[Rey nods slowly with a sad smile, folding her arms over her chest as if to protect herself when she continues.]

Yeah. [Her voice comes out shakier than she would've liked. Rey swallows hard.] It wasn't... a normal birth or anything. I was made, but she's still a part of me. I'm alive because she's the one who made me.

[Probably best to spare the technical details about cloning and genetics. Not that those details matter anyway, when Rey lifts her gaze to look Konoha in the eye.]

You know... "Rey" isn't my real name.

[The lack of normalcy, at least, she could guess. Rey looked fully human to her (except when she glowed), but she did know she wasn't, that there was enhancements and metal? maybe? involved... But. It was reassuring, in a way, to know she'd still had a mother of some kind.

But then-]

- What?

[Rey isn't her real name? She's been calling her Rey this entire time, though? Konoha might have forgotten to keep mopping up, just staring at Rey (not Rey?) in shock.]

[Rey has never tried to hide who and what she is. There wasn't a point in these other worlds, where neither of those things hold much weight. But her name was something that she had kept guided, and yet here she is sharing this personal information with Konoha.

[She even makes a sound that resembles a laugh, but it sounds wooden and awkward.]

Well, I've been Rey for several decades, but that had many other names, too.

[She shrugs, her eyes casting away when she continues.]

None of them were what my mother called me when we were alone, though. Don't think she was allowed to give me a name. They wouldn't have wanted me seem more like a person...

[Even though others, including her mother, would clearly beg to differ.]

[There's something about this conversation that reminds Konoha of another person (artificial person?) that she'd met, long ago it seems now. Connor had talked like this, about things that were allowed or not for androids, about things that made them like people that were denied them.

And it's... just as sad this time as it had been to hear last time. She can't help but want to know now, and so though she asks it gently...]

What... was it she called you?

[Her "real" name. If she truly didn't want to share it, she wouldn't have mentioned it, would she? And if she didn't, she could always refuse... But Konoha still asks, her hearts aching with sympathy.]

[If Rey didn't want to share, she's pretty sure she wouldn't have brought it up in the first place. It's not something she just casually mentions to people. Hell, she's never told anyone before. But after all Konoha has done for her and how she is hurting right now, being separated from her family? It's the least Rey can do, isn't it?]

Fiona. [Her mouth twists into a stiff smile, as if she had just spoken a foreign word.] She... She called me Fiona.

[It feels wrong to call herself that. She isn't worthy of the name anymore, or of the love of the woman who had given it to her.]

[Rey might think it wasn't right for her... maybe she did, her smile and her body language seemed a bit stiff, but.]

Fiona...

[Konoha can't help but try it out. It does seem strange to her, but... That was just because she'd always know Rey as... well, Rey. She's said her name all sorts of ways since they first met, and it had been Rey each time, but. As a name... as a name that a mother had given her?]

It's a really pretty name...

[Hearing Konoha echo that name aloud feels strange, but Rey doesn't mind it. A quiet simper stretches her lips as she looks up again.]

Yeah, it is...

[Whether she's worthy of it anymore or not, it doesn't matter. Just sharing the knowledge that it exists is enough for her right now.]

You can call me whatever you want, though. "Rey" still works fine. [Might be easier, anyway.] Haven't really told people stuff like this, but... I thought you'd like to know.

[If nothing else, to give her friend something else to think about.]

[If Rey’s goal had been to throw Konoha for a big enough loop that she momentarily forgot her despair in reminder of what she’d been separated from this time she’d been kidnapped, well... she seems to have succeeded. Mulling over the name, Konoha finally finishes gently wiping up the traces of milk from her aching breasts, gingerly trying to arrange her kimono in a way to disguise the stains on the fabric. Maybe she should check those clothing stores they had here for something...

But also. Fiona!?]

I think... I’m used to “Rey”, but, if you ever wanted me to...

[Then she’d gladly use it. It did have a bit more feminine feel to it than Rey’s more usual attitude seemed to match, but... maybe that was kind of cute also. Damp handkerchief tucked back away... she smiles fondly, sadly, fingers knitting together a bit helplessly.]

Do... do you want to visit my new place? We could catch up properly...

[Regardless of her self-deprecating tendencies, Rey can't deny that sharing a little piece of Undine, no matter how small, feels good. If anyone deserved to be remembered, it was her mother. And it was about time that she admits it, even if it's just a hint of a fond memory for now.]

Maybe sometimes...

[She has grown into "Rey" as well, even if it had been given to her for different reasons, by a less savory individual. It doesn't matter anymore.

[Rubbing the back of her neck in thought, Rey nods at the offer. She should probably mention that she's already come from around that way, having already met Chiron, but... Well, it'll be bound to come up, anyway.]

Yeah. I'd like that.

[With a nervous look, she holds up her free hand for Konoha to take, if she wants to. Might give her fingers something to do, too.] Hey, so... Haven't really tried this "Sync" thing yet. Think you could help? You know, while we walk?

["Maybe sometimes" might be a good start. Even if she tried to switch now, she'd sure she'd keep calling her "Rey" by accident for a good while. And with potential memories and emotions bound into it... Well, it could be a secret between them for a little while.

Not knowing that she'd already met her "roommate", Konoha makes a note to tell Chiron that if he ever spotted Rey around she was a friend... one she willingly reaches out for and laces fingers with as she starts to lead the way deeper into the park, the strange warmth of synchrony blossoming where skin touched and opening a bit of shared connection that would make her relief that Rey remembered her, that she was glad to see her again even in circumstances like this, even more apparent.]

Mm. This way we can make some of that "manna"... and then maybe you can stop getting messages from those Embassy people about it. Yeah?

[They'd blown up her own phone the few few days, so if Rey hadn't tried it yet she can imagine how many of those weird messages had gotten into her inbox......]

[While Rey was savvy enough to know how to turn off her device to avoid the constant barrage of messages... it is nice to have an excuse to make them stop. Particularly one where she isn't forced into something she isn't ready for yet. She welcomes that familiar feeling spreading through her as Konoha takes her hand, both of their calloused fingers joining as they start heading back towards the farm areas. Although Rey had only seen a part of where Konoha had been staying with Chiron, it'll be nice for a more "formal" tour to where they're staying for the time being.

[This is... not so bad, really. Not when it's Konoha, anyway. Maybe it won't be so hard to find others that she can extend the same courtesy to, sometimes.]

Ah, right.

[She laughs nervously, but she's more comfortable than she had been since she arrived. Holding Konoha's hand just feels normal, and she's reminded of how they had first met in a similar way when Konoha had offered Rey a hand. She had been so reluctant to accept it back then, but now it comes to her easily. For her, that's progress enough.]

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