lumberlady | Noctium

[After meeting up with Chiron, it's not hard to find Konoha. Since, you know, they're living in the same vicinity.

[Rather than greeting her like a normal person though, Rey can't suppress her exclamation--]

Konoha!

[--before she barrels forward into a bear hug. Nope, doesn't matter what Konoha was doing before, it's happening right the fuck now.]

[Figuring out the hilarity of the mixed messages on locations will have to wait another time, because the more pressing matter is that Rey was here? So once she's finished up wherever she'd been (hah), and it comes time to meet, Konoha is waiting by the park entrance for a hint of-]

Rey!

[It's been long enough that her scent isn't instantly recognizable like it used to be, dulled by a year and some spent back in her own world, but it comes back to her once she sees her, and she has just enough time to brace herself before Rey's unusually heavy weight comes crashing in for a hug... and she hugs her back just as fiercely, overcome with relief.

She remembered her.]

[Working out your roommate situation makes the hunt so much easier, that Rey didn't even hesitate once she was finished before rushing to see her friend again.

[Shit, how long had it been? So many people returned to their worlds, and Rey had stayed behind. Didn't even tell a whole lot that she had intentions of staying behind. Saying goodbye was hard enough without having anyone worry about her.

[All of that is just stuff that can be addressed later. Thankfully Konoha's jinba frame keeps her steady during Rey's heavy tackle. It's kind of like getting plowed into by a restless bear, but she knows the other woman's strength well that she can handle it.]

How... How long has it been for you, since...?

[Since they last saw each other. The words are there on the tip of her tongue but she doesn't like the way they would sound. It's bad enough that she's trying not to cry, though not because she's sad.]

[Thankfully, as much as Konoha really didn't want to... she was physically capable enough to handle a small bear, and Rey is mindful not to knock her off her feet, just enough that she only has to dig her back legs into the earth to catch the other woman before she can concentrate just on... hugging. It really was her.

The question Rey asks would be something difficult to peg by her face alone, which seemed mostly unchanged on Konoha's still youthful features beyond what could possible be identified as a slight maturity more of character than body. Though, actually, her bosom seems to have... also matured.]

A year and a half...

[She answers with a voice thick with emotion, tears of relief but also sadness welling up in her eyes and unwilling to let go yet. She knew Rey didn't have the same desires to go home as some others, was potentially one of the few who knew she'd decided to remain, but that meant-]

Did you come straight from Lunatia?

[Whoever took them this time could even take them from other gods?]

[Despite having met a few people she knew, the fact that some didn't even remember her was... lonely. Lonelier than she expected it would feel. Hearing Konoha talk to her like a friend, mentioning Lunatia -- it's hard not to shake the sobs. At least this time they're not sorrowful tears.

[Eventually, she dries her eyes with her shoulder and looks up, but not stepping away. Konoha does seem different from the last time they met, and she's sure she might know why that means. But first...]

Yeah, was planning on staying. Least for a while...

[Her expression twists with a hint of guilt.]

I'm sorry, I was going to help look after your farm...

[Sure, it was sad to see the empty beds and such, but it was a routine that she needed for a little while. To try and feel like a person.]

[She would much rather shed tears of relief than sorrow, there's that at least. And after meeting several people she expected to know her who looked at her like a stranger... she's just glad. Not glad that they're here, but... She eventually manages to lift her face likewise from Rey's other shoulder, eyes bright but tears more under control as she keeps a loose old on the back of Rey's shirt.]

Don't worry about something like that right now... We didn't choose to come here...

[Who would? With not only the disorientation of the place, but also the nature of their arrival, and now there were gemstones in their bodies and who the hell even knew what was happening?]

And... I'm sure it will still be there when you get back. Just like before... time can't be moving without us. It didn't move.

[No, she'd returned to her world the moment she'd left... and it was surely the same here. It had to be. Even more so than than last time... she's desperate for it to be.]

[It might seem ridiculous to worry about that kind of stuff, but it's not without reason.]

That's just the worlds we came from, though. What if the... "rules" are different for those who weren't taken from their own worlds?

[It's a rhetorical question, because Rey knows Konoha has no way of knowing that, either. And it's something Rey has been too anxious to look into, for fear of the answer.

[She doesn't let go, either. Her fingers curl into the fabric where Konoha's human and equine halves meet.]

I... I'm not okay there -- in my world.

[And if she's ever brought back the same way as everyone else, she'd go right back into being dissected alive. No thanks.]

[Well... It's not something that she couldn't understand. Maybe the rules were different. She couldn't say, and neither could Rey... None of them could even guess, not this early. So she only shakes her head. She doesn't know, but.]

Even if time moves on in Lunatia... the place will still be there. I'm sure.

[For her to go back to. Because Konoha has never asked explicitly why, but she already knew well that Rey wasn't in a good place in her own world, that she didn't want to go back there. But surely they'd return... where they came from? Not somewhere else. But that's... just a hope. Hope is all they have.]

And if the fields are overgrown, then just... You can weed them. It'll be okay.

[Even if things weren't okay in Rey's world. Even if it wasn't okay they were in this one now.]

[At best she can hope that the place doesn't get condemned or run over or something. She wants to believe in that strange thing called "hope" at least in this, or else she'll go under again.]

Yeah...

[Rey takes a moment to wipe the damp corner of her eye again, before attempting a rueful smile as she attempts to shift the subject. No more tears; she doesn't want to ruin what should be a happy thing.]

Anyway, um. How've you been...? Year and a half is a pretty long time.

[Especially for someone like Konoha.]

[Konoha has done her share of crying, since being ripped from the new life she'd begun on Mt. Tsurugi. But every time she thinks she might have exhausted it, she manages. Now, though... She has to be strong. Has to project that hope where Rey lacks it.]

Our neighbors were good folk... They'll look after it if time is still moving.

[She she reassures her one last time. It will be fine. It has to be fine. Because she tells herself... even if time was moving in her own world... Komatsu had her father. And if she knew anything... it's that Gonta wouldn't let harm come to that child no matter what. Even if the idea of what her disappearance would do to him was devastating.

So it couldn't be moving on without her. It had to not be.]

I'm good... Living in the mountains is much harder than my village or Lunatia, so it took some getting used to, but Gonta's family is wonderful, and... I'm happy.

[Was happy. And thanks to a bit of a wardrobe malfunction, the fabric of her kimono damp in front with milky stains caused by how tightly she'd been hugging Rey... "why" might be a little obvious.]

[It's not fair when people are taken from their good lives. And yet, Rey can't deny how she feels grateful that Konoha is here. How the simplest remedies she provides to a problem are sometimes the right ones. Guilt cinches in her ribs just for having such gratitude in her heart, knowing that Konoha had a whole good and fulfilling life, and she was taken away from all that. And if she's rooming with Chiron, it probably means that Gonta is back there rather than here as well. She came alone, like Rey did.]

Ah. Wish I could see it.

[Her tone is lighter when she says this, trying hard not to bring herself down for both their sakes.

[Though when she senses a dampness against her chest, Rey glances down at Konoha's kimono and just. Stares. Leans back. Stares more. Swear she's not meaning to gawk at your tits, Konoha.]

Shit. Are you okay? [Doesn't look like blood, thankfully. It wasn't like that before, was it?]

... Me, too.

[If people were going to be taken to other worlds, travel to them... Why couldn't it be like that? Why couldn't it be something as simple and good as visiting a friend? But no, they aren't that lucky...

And neither are her clothes. Rey's reaction brings her own gaze downwards in confusion, but once she spots it... Oh. That would explain things.]

Wh- No, I'm fine, I'm sorry, did I get any on you... ? I shouldn't have hugged you so tight...

[She pulls back from their embrace to try and check, but thankfully it seems there's just a little bit of contact stain on Rey's shirt, not too much. She's not embarrassed, per se, it was natural as anything, but she still finds herself a bit ruddy cheeked as she uses one arm to hide the stations by gingerly cupping her breasts, swollen and tender without a baby to relieve her of the milk now staining her kimono. That kimono has seen plenty worse in the past three months, but. Still.]

Komatsu is still breastfeeding, so...

[Even though her personal preference and desires had hardly been a secret... it does feel vaguely weird to tell that to a woman you've moonlaced with more than once. So much so that she doesn't quite realize that what she said was horriby lacking as either an announcement or an explanation. This is what happens when you accidentally get used to living in a very small herd where everyone knows everyone's business already.]

[And Rey is rarely ever that lucky.

[What Konoha says next takes a moment to sink in, before Rey starts trying to put the puzzle pieces together. Which is going about as well as you'd expect from a war machine that's never touched a real baby before.

[It's nothing to worry about though, right? Konoha doesn't seem to be acting like it's an issue beyond mere embarrassment. Though seeing her hold her own breasts and the strange staining there, Rey feels her own cheeks heat up a bit. Fortunately not in the way that causes fire this time.]

O-oh. [She just says at first as though she gets it. Except nah.] Not... really sure what that means...

[Rey has memories of battlefields and military bases, but things like raising children and taking care of them wasn't part of the skill sets she had been wired to ever just know. Why would she? It's not like she's ever know what to even do with a family of her own.]

[Konoha might have managed to save this and make a proper announcement of her recent motherhood, but instead... she just stares at Rey in total shock, still gingerly supporting (well, more like hiding) her breasts.]

Do... Rey, do you not know... how babies eat?

[Look, she hardly pegged the other woman for a birthing expert or anything, but... not understanding breastfeeding? Was this some weird future world thing? Did future world women not feed their own babies? Wasn't Rey part metal person? Didn't metal people have all sorts of weird knowledge?

She is so confused.]

[Rey is also confused. It's not as though she ever got any formal sex ed in any of her previous lives and she hardly spent her time around pregnant women.]

...

I don't know jack shit about how babies work.

[Is that what that is? A baby thing? What the fuck.]

Babies... drink milk...

[She had never... explained anything about pregnancy to someone over the age of ten? How did this happen? Who let Rey get to be over a hundred and her not know this? Did she have to explain how women got pregnant, too? Her confusion is going a mile a minute, but her body is just frozen.]

From... their... mothers... ?

[It feels like she's just waiting for Rey to tell her she was joking.]

[The way Konoha says it just makes Rey think it should be obvious, which makes her face go redder. Fortunately she isn't so hopeless that she doesn't understand where babies come from, but the whole caretaking process is something well beyond her expertise.]

That's what that is?

[Rey's voice gets somewhat higher than usual, incredulous.]

But. Your baby isn't here, right? Why're you still...

[She gesticulates vaguely at Konoha, hoping she doesn't have to finish that sentence when it comes to this.]

Yes?

[Konoha finds that her voice has gotten higher automatically in response, blinking rapidly as she finally moves just a little... to more protectively cup her apparently mysterious breasts.]

It doesn't just... turn on when you need to feed them and then turn off... ?

[But as hilariously comical as this situation was... it's a reminder that she'd been ripped away from the most precious thing in her life with absolutely no way under her own knowledge of power to fix it and get back to her family, and the scandalized confusion is threatening to give way to the despair of remembering that loss.]

[Normally Rey wouldn't stop and consider how her words might affect someone else. But Konoha is one of the few people she thinks of as a friend enough to not want to hurt. Rey bites back on her usual inclination to press buttons, knowing just how important having a family meant to Konoha before.]

Sorry. Don't know much about this stuff. At all.

[She pauses, anxiously rubbing the side of her neck when she realizes just how little knowledge she has on the subject.]

So... what do you do instead? It doesn't hurt or anything, does it? [She isn't sure why she thinks it might, other than imagining the general discomfort of randomly leaking sometimes.]

[It’s a bit belated in her whiplash of confusion, but Konoha does end up shaking her head in dismissal of the apology. If she didn’t know, she didn’t know...

She just. Had really not expected anyone to not know.

She tries to focus on the question instead of the loss, shifting her weight awkwardly from one hoof to the other.]

It... mmm, yeah, it kind of hurts a little now... not too bad, they’re just... too full.

[Her breasts were swollen with milk being produced for a child she’d been ripped away from, and the ache was something she’d been growing accustomed to- though it was nothing compared to the mental ache that came of even still instinctively thinking it was the time of day for a feeding until her mind caught up.]

But it’s... If we’re stuck here long enough, it should... it should stop.

[She hates to even say it aloud.]

[At least Rey knows enough about how babies get made that she's not asking about that as well. She just wouldn't know the first thing about the child-caring process, however. Don't ever leave her alone with an infant, ever.

[Rey blinks at Konoha's explanation.]

Too full...?

[Okay, not in the way Konoha had described fullness before. But milk. That's... normal, too. The logistics make sense but the actual details elude Rey, who now covers her flushed face with a hand. Because what Konoha says next is heavy and she should be supportive, not pestering her with questions that might trigger feelings of longing and homesickness.]

Ah, I hope you get to see them again soon. I... I know you're a great mother.

[She might not have seen it for herself, but a mother's fondness is probably about the only thing Rey knows she's ever felt, even for a little while. She couldn't ever wish a child of a woman as kind and full of love as Konoha to be deprived of that.]

With... milk...

[She has to say it, just to be super clear, after seeing the look on Rey’s face. Full of milk! As... evidenced by her clothing. Which... she finally starts trying to do something about, glancing around to see if passerbys were being particularly nosy or not before going into her harness pouches for a handkerchief, wincing a bit as she parts the collar of her kimono just enough to slip a hand inside and start carefully wiping.

But the next comment... brings her gaze down. As relieved as she was to be trapped with people she knew rather than without, as glad as she was that Rey remembered her... ]

She’s so perfect...

[She was a good mother. And she was one who would give almost anything to be at home cradling that infant in her arms rather than be here, her eyes growing bright again with the threat of tears.]

If we met again, I wanted to show you...

[It's okay, Konoha. Rey will keep watch from any creeping assholes. Lucky for them, this isn't a heavily trafficked area that they have to worry about it too much.

[Seeing Konoha crestfallen, Rey just frowns. What is someone supposed to say to something like that? Shit. Is this something she even wants to talk about, or is Rey just opening up wounds?

[After a moment, she heaves a sharp sigh. Another hug might be awkward right now, while Konoha is cleaning herself up, but the least Rey can do is offer a shoulder.]

My mother was a good person, too. You would've liked her.

[Instead of ripping up Konoha's fresh wounds, Rey might as well provide her own old ones. It's not like she talks about her life before very much, least of all the few good things that came from it.

[Undine... was always one of those few good things, despite how much it all turned to shit in the end.]

[It’s how little Konoha knows about Rey’s past, particularly the positive aspects, that makes that a very effective distraction from her own pain. Belatedly she might realize that it could be painful to another instead, but in the moment-]

Yeah... ?

[Konoha had just never heard her mention a mother before, and it’s curious enough to bring her gaze up as she tries to mop up the mess she’s made of her clothes.]

[They're painful memories, sure. But Rey is willing to take on that pain if it helps Konoha not think too much about what she has lost for a little while.

[Rey nods slowly with a sad smile, folding her arms over her chest as if to protect herself when she continues.]

Yeah. [Her voice comes out shakier than she would've liked. Rey swallows hard.] It wasn't... a normal birth or anything. I was made, but she's still a part of me. I'm alive because she's the one who made me.

[Probably best to spare the technical details about cloning and genetics. Not that those details matter anyway, when Rey lifts her gaze to look Konoha in the eye.]

You know... "Rey" isn't my real name.

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