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[It's not like she hasn't met people before who claimed to be dead in their own worlds. It had disturbed her at first, because... did that mean they were ghosts? Or zombies? Who was she talking to? But eventually... like with most everything she had trouble with, Konoha just simplified it.

If they were dead in their home worlds, then these other worlds were just another chance for them! And they were alive here, so that was all that mattered. Right? Simple.

But-]

That... he's dead?

[She just didn't think Matthias was one of them. And suddenly... some things he's said are starting to make a lot more sense.]

[Nina sucks in a sharp breath, leaning back as she struggles to decide how to continue. She can't just leave this at a simple "yes". That wouldn't be fair to Konoha. Her eyes drop to her hands, absently tracing a line of stitching in her skirt, and she continues in fits and starts.]

I don't know how much he's told you about his life back home. We were... working together. We thought the worst of the job was over, and then he found me, and he'd been shot. If my powers had been what they were...

[If she was still a normal heartrender, she might have been able to save him.]

I don't know who did it. He refused to tell me.

I thought- I thought it was a lot...

[Matthias had been there since the day she'd arrived in Lunatia... and it hadn't been long at all before she'd latched on, considered him a friend... and then feared she'd messed everything up, there'd been the triple moons, the whole punching things, but also... a whole lot of good. Hadn't there been?

And he'd even called her his friend, eventually. But the whole time?

It feels incredibly selfish of her to cry over something like this, but she can't hold back that emotion any better than the others she'd displayed thus far, and a few plump, warm drops fall despite her best efforts, squeezing onto Nina's hands tighter. He'd just been dead the whole time, but just... not telling anyone? (Or maybe just her.)

But oh. Nina's hands. Her fingers. Hadn't they talked about-]

I was so stupid... That's why he got so sad looking when he talked about buying you a ring... I'm sorry, Miss Nina...

I'm sorry, Konoha.

[Konoha's tears make Nina's vision blur, because even though Matthias is here, she isn't done grieving. She hasn't even let herself think what it might mean if they find a way home, or how long this could or couldn't last. She squeezes Konoha's hands back, chest aching.]

You aren't stupid, you—

[Wait, a ring? Matthias talked about buying a ring?]

What ring?

No, you don’t be sorry...

[Despite her kindness, how much she meant well, Konoha was hardly without flaws, even as she fights back tears at the idea of Matthias being dead this entire time and just shouldering those worries by himself. She was even mostly aware of them... and one of them was being a blabbermouth. Afraid she’s said too much, Konoha almost clams up after, but-

But- He hasn’t said those feelings were a secret, right? If she made a promise, even though it was difficult, she kept her mouth shut. This time, though-]

We were just... we were talking about weddings once and when I asked what he’d do for you he talked about... a pretty ring and getting married under a tree...

[It had sounded wonderful to her... but there’d been such a cloud of sadness over him she’d fried to attribute to just missing Nina, but.

It had seemed to deep for just that. ... apparently it was.]

I didn’t know...

Edited 2019-10-26 04:05 (UTC)

Oh.

[It comes out shocked and quiet, and for the millionth time in the last few days, she doesn't know how to respond. Matthias had told her that he'd been thinking about the future with her before he'd been shot, but she hadn't really considered what that meant. Most of her fantasizing had taken place after, when she was alone and grieving at the Little Palace, and sometimes it had felt almost torturous. None of her dreams for them would ever be possible, after all, and even when she was at her most idealistic she knew it wouldn't have been easy. Neither of their countries would have accepted a drüskelle and a Grisha.

Hearing that Matthias was having the same thoughts is bittersweet. They're together here, and she'd die before she'd let anything change that, but she still isn't entirely sure what that means. Nina wipes her eyes, but that doesn't stop the ache of tears in her throat.]

He probably didn't want you to worry. He tries to shield people that way.

[Like he'd tried to shield her from the knowledge of who had killed him.]

That sounds right...

[After all, there'd always been a part of Matthias that was familiar to her, that reminded her of the man she'd loved. It was part of why she'd latched on so quickly when he'd helped her, more than just the comfort of being around someone who also felt alienated by the modern technology and foreign lights.

Because Gonta... He did the same thing.

And even if he didn't... Konoha doesn't even think about it, she just moves her hands from Nina's to try and enfold her in an embrace when she catches sight of her wiping a tear, the offer warm not only because of the higher body temperatures jinba ran at, but also because... moonlacing was like that. Nice and warm, even platonically like that.]

Why are men so stupid... ?

[Punching each other and lying about being dead...]

[When Konoha hugs her, she wraps her arms around the other woman automatically, squeezing tight. It's always been natural for Nina to seek comfort through touch anyway, especially with Inej, and moonlacing just enhances that. It's nice, and Nina lets out a weak laugh.]

They are stupid. Thank you for keeping an eye on him.

You're welcome...

[The response is automatic, even as Konoha nuzzles into the other woman's shoulder as if they'd known each other for years, accidentally wetting her shoulder with hot tears. The tiniest bit of them came from a selfish sense of betrayal, that such a thing had been kept from her, but mostly... it was just sadness. That he was dead at all, that he'd just suffered in silence every time she made a comment or suggestion that was predicated on the idea that he was alive, that one day he'd make it back to Nina's side in his world...

She'd done her best, trying to repay what she considered was kindness and help she'd received from him first, when she'd only just arrived in Lunatia and Matthias had found her cowering in the Groves. Cowering even worse at the sight of a wolf all too similar to the one that had left the bite marks scarring her forearm, but.

He'd been dead the whole time, while she'd been chattering away about life and a future...]

But... You're here now, so. So...

[It could be better for him. For them. Right?]

[Nina hopes it will be, and while this isn't Ketterdam by any means, it certainly isn't any sort of haven. She's not sure what to think of any of it, other than Kaz's advice—for now, let it lie—and the unspoken implication beyond that. Take advantage of every second. Nina's life has been a constant lesson in never taking anything for granted.

Those are things that are too complicated to explain to Konoha just yet, so she just squeezes the other woman tight again and finishes her sentence for her, gentle and teasing.]

I'm here, so maybe he won't ask anyone to punch him.

Yeah...

[Maybe. If she and Gonta could talk things through, plan for potential mishaps during the moon periods and find a way to still be happy here... other people could be, too, right?

And if there was anyone she wanted to be happy...]

It's really not so bad here, you know... I got made to go to all different places before this, and they were so awful... But here at least it's much safer most of the time, and they even have all this fancy "technology" that makes life so easy... I can even make our lunch hot again, and we don't even need fire...

[Wasn't that reassuring? Konoha gives a last good, solid squeeze (scaled down to human comfort level of squeeze) before she pulls away just a little, trying to sniff away her tears and smile instead.]

I know it's really confusing here, but... if you don't think it's weird... I'll be your friend. You can ask me anything!

That is amazing, isn't it?

[Nina reaches up to brush the tears from Konoha's cheeks.]

It might be strange to some people, but everything about my life is strange. I'd love for us to be friends.

When Matthias talked about you he just made you sound so amazing, and I kind of thought it would be great if we could be friends... I ran a lumber yard back home, so I still don't know if I'm really good at talking about lady things, but-

[Nooooooooooooo, she's supposed to be the one comforting Nina? So she screws her expression up in a wrinkle to try and stop crying immediately, even if it makes her look... somewhat comical.]

It's really alright?

Of course it is.

[It does look a bit comical, but it's sweet, too.]

We don't only need to talk about "lady things".

[As simple to see through as her emotions were... It did at least make dealing with Konoha to be pretty easy. There wasn't an ounce of guile in her, (even when one might argue it best to have some), and the relief breaks palpably on her expression, tears melting into a smile.]

Haha, that's good... I can talk about wood!

[Lumber yard, right? ... She feels like there might be a joke in there, but it escapes her. Actually no, that might be the joke.]

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